El Chupacabra

It was about 10:45 Saturday night. Alonzo was in his pickup driving west along Church Street looking for his target. He saw the address on the side of the building confirming that he had found the site that he was tipped off about. He spun his truck around and headed toward a parking spot on the side of the street about a half a block back. He killed the engine rolled down his window and scoped out the area.

A block to the east was Border Grocery. No lights were on in the store indicating that it was locked up for the night. Two blocks west was a local nightclub, which was a local gathering place with live music on weekends.There were sounds of a band belting out a hip-hop tune. A few people were hanging around outside the door and others were trying to jockey around the door tenders trying to get inside. No one was walking on his section of the street. Alonzo had a clear passage once he made the decision for go time.

His Spidey-senses were picking up on something unusual but to back out was not an option. He had a narrow window of opportunity and he could not let this chance escape him. So he had to rely on his training to stay focused. His training consisted of a library of Jackie Chan movies with a smattering of Sammo Hung and Dave Lizewski flicks. His training consisted of self inflicted discipline. His sensei was himself. His mental focus was sheer will and a self-determined mind.

A visual scan of the area indicated that there was no imminent danger, he slid out of the truck and walked to the bed of the pickup and pulled back a heavy blue tarp that covered his weapon of choice. A bokken. The bokken has a wooden blade and is in the shape of a samurai sword. The bokken is more of a training weapon but can still inflict serious damage to an opponent. He didn’t want to kill anyone so an actual samurai sword was out of the question’ for this assignment anyway. The bokken, however, is a good alternative if self defence was necessary. It can cause, at least, a few bruises but it can also fracture bones and cause internal damage. For the average user the bokken wouldn’t be much defense against an opponent that had a firearm so, Alonzo’s Matrix-like abilities would have to kick in if ever called upon.

He slid on a pair of thin gloves slung his bokken over his shoulder and said a quick prayer before heading out. His target was a building that sat on the corner. He looked up at the street sign that told him where he was. It read Church St in one direction and State St in the other.

“No separation there,” he said to no one that was listening.

Alonzo crossed over Church Street and made his way part way down State street. On State street there was an alley that led to the rear of the municipal building where he was instructed that he would have clear passage

The building was a rarely used almost forgotten two story garment factory turned municipal building that sat several blocks away from the center of town. The building was bought by the city several years back when the old garment factory closed shop and was used for civic events and more recently as storage of city property.

Part way down the alley he found a new addition to the municipal property, a gate. The new fence with a gate that obstructed his way stood about eight feet high. Chain linked and no razor wire topping it. So, no real barrier to keep Alonzo out. It still would have been nice if A-F-F would have given him the heads up. A leap and flip ala-Jackie Chan and Alonzo was over the fence in a second.

Alonzo stood behind the building where there were two entry ways into the back of the building. One at ground level and a second one at the top of a metal stairway. On either side of the building was a drive that led to the front of the building where he could find other ways into the building if he wanted. The door atop the metal stairs, however, was his way in. He knew the door would be unlocked, which he was thankful for, having to break in would be too noisy. He just needed inside to find the package and get out in the quickest time possible.

Alonzo climbed the steps twisted the lever on the door and it whooshed open and he stepped in. He looked around for a moment to get the lay of the open room that he just walked into and then he heard clanking outside the door that he just came in. Someone was climbing the steps. In fact several people were climbing the steps. He hid next to a standing piece of equipment that looked like some kind of oven or clothes dryer just moments before the door whooshed open. Without seeing he could tell that there were two men and a woman.

“I really don’t know what happen to your stuff,” the female said.

“What you need to know is that I need da stuff or da money,” one of the guys said. And I need it now. How we gone take care of dat?”

Alonzo’s original plan was to get in and out of the building without getting seen but by the way this was playing out there was no way that he was getting out anytime soon. He had to do something...but what? He pulled down his hat that turns into a masks to cover his face with eye and mouth cutouts and peered around the corner to see what was happening. Directly beside him and not quite between he and the three others was a counter top with several items scattered about. Among those items was an unattended flip phone that decided to chime while Alonzo’s head was outside of its hiding place. Not only did chime catch the attention of the three arguing but Alonzo’s head that was floating near by caught it as well. At the moment that the two men made eye contact with their unsuspecting visitor they could see his head jerk in displeasure as he muttered something to himself. Alonzo sprang out of his hiding space stopping short of making contact with the two men. He thought giving these two thugs a chance to react to his encroachment was a fair thing to do seeing that this was going to be way too easy. Child’s play easy. Like a big league baseball player playing wiffle ball against a bunch of 10 year olds easy.

“Who the h-” the first man decided to swing and ended up with a broken forearm. Alonzo’s moves were lightning fast that the entire exchange from “what the h-”  to the last blow lasted two seconds flat. His next swing was a downward slash on the second man’s collarbone, he was trying to reach for something in his jacket. The third hit was the butt of the bokken on the bridge of the first guy’s nose breaking it and knocking him flat on his back. Alonzo brought the bokken to the ready for a fourth hit but none was needed.

He pointed the bokken at the ladies face in a non-threatening way.

“What is your name?”

“Golden” she said.

“You may leave.”

“I may leave? What do you mean? You might as well kill me. Do you know how much trouble I am in now? Who are you?”

Alonzo put his hands on his hips in a superhero stance with his chest puffed out and said “I am El Chupacabra!” and with a slight pelvic thrust he added, “extra spicy!”

Now, Alonzo probably did not know what a chupacabra was. He heard me order that at Garcia’s Mexican restaurant one time and it got a lot of laughs. It’s not really a food item, rather a mythical creature.

On his way out the door he swooped up the flip phone that made the chime that snitched him out.

I am a jerk.

Alonzo called me to come over and look at his computer. As usual, he suspected that he was hacked and his internet activity was being tracked. He never really was hacked he just always had was the typical adware/spyware type stuff.

“You know it’s late, right-”

“I know, I’m sorry…. I got ice cream”

“and I got work tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

No sense in pretending that I was mad. We both knew that he used the magic word.

“So, you got ice cream, huh?

“Butter Pecan.”

“Be right there.”

“I know.”

For my own personal entertainment I decided to feed into his suspicions about his computer being hacked. Within seconds I found what the problem was. I fixed it and then closed out the window real fast not letting on that I fixed it already.

Now for the fun. I hit a combination of random keys. “Hey did you see that?” I said.

“No. What happened?”

“That is not supposed to do that.” Of course, nothing happened but, I did put the idea in his head that my trained eye picked up on something.

“The last time I saw that happen….” I picked up the keyboard and held it to my ear pretending that I am listening very carefully for something. I suddenly widened my eyes as if I heard something.

“No, this can’t be.” I whispered.

“What is it?” Alonzo asked.

“Give me a minute, I’ll show you.” I said.

I rooted around in my tool bag and grabbed a small screw driver and palmed a tiny computer fragment that sat discarded at the bottom.

Using the small screw driver, I began to one by one plucking keys out of the keyboard. After I pulled the last key I began looking intently to the inside of the keyboard.

“There it is.” I said. then stuck my screw driver inside acting like I was dislodging something.

“What do you see?” Alonzo asked.

I ignored the question for effect and tipped the keyboard upside down over the desk and shook the keyboard and let the object drop that I had hidden in my hand. The object that I had was a capacitor slightly smaller than the size of a tick-tack that had broken off an old modem that sat in my tool bag.

“What is it?” he asked again.

“That my friend, is a keylogger. Someone is capturing every keystroke as you type.” I said.

“So, if I am chatting to somebody, they are seeing everything I say?” he asked.

“Or capturing username and passwords, credit card numbers and so, on.” I said.

He muttered an expletive. I could see him taking mental inventory of all his recent internet traffic.

“I’ve gotta call the police and report this.” I said.

“What are you talking about? he asked. “They are the one’s that put it there.”

“It’s Federal law” I lied.

“You’re not bringing them into this. You know what they did last time!“

“As a PC Technician I am required by law to report it when I find a device like this.”

All in one swoop he reached and grabbed the tick-tack off the desk and shoved it into his mouth and swallowed and told me that I now had nothing to report.

I could not contain myself. I laughed and had to let him know that I was just pranking him. He snickered and started making the throw up face thumped me on the arm and called me a jerk. We both laughed until we couldn’t breathe.

I was surprised he swallowed the capacitor. It would have been a neat prank to let play out if he didn’t bring it to such an abrupt end.

I keep promising myself that I am going to quit pranking people or at least let up on them a little sooner than I do. But, I have no self control.

I mull this concept over further as I plunk the keys to his keyboard back in alphabetical order rather than the q-w-e-r-t-y order that they belong. I turn his computer off and tell him that it must remain off for 30 minutes to allow for all the services to reset and clear the auto-logging mechanism. Another lie but it is a trick that PC Tech’s use to get out the door and up the road before the client finds other things on the PC to annoy them with.

Sure enough 35 minutes later my cell starts playing the theme to the X-Files. It’s the ringtone that my phone auto-selected for Alonzo, that was the story that I told him anyway. I let the call go to Voicemail.

“Something is still not right with my computer, man,” the message said. “It’s not taking my password. Something doesn’t feel right about it going in. I think the virus came back. And don’t tell me it’s because of all the gay porn again because that doesn't happen here. Anyway, come on back tonight, I don’t care what time it is. I am expecting an email.”

“I am a jerk.”